The Tongyeong Blues

I've go what Lizzie calls the Tongyeong blues. Maybe it's just the normal blues.

I'm starting to get lonely here. Paradoxically, it seems to get worse when I hang out with people. I decided a couple of days ago to (for a change) stop worrying about not having a romantic relationship. I've been single for most of my adult life, but that time has always been filled up with the desire to be in a relationship of some kind. I finally decided that it's not worth worrying about. If there was something to "figure out" that might help me achieve this goal, then for all the energy I've spent thinking about it, I'm sure I would have puzzled it out by now.

When I can really get behind this idea, and stop caring, I feel a lot better. But there is a melancholy to the resignation, too. I guess I will just have to get over it. I came to Korea thinking it would be like Japan--that it would be easy to find a nice Asian girlfriend. It's not like Japan at all. Koreans are pretty proud of their bloodline, and they are sexually conservative. It's considered strange to date foreigners, especially in Tongyeong.

I think other stuff has got me down, too. I feel a bit like I'm stagnating. Or at least not progressing in the things I want to progress in fast enough. Or maybe it is something else still. I woke up late this afternoon, after drinking all night and I was full of melancholy. Truth is, I'm not really sure why. I can't shake it. I guess I just have to go through it.